The Best and Worst Day Of My Life

    4/4/14, we headed to the birthing center in our home town, both excited yet extremely nervous. What if I’m not a good Mom? What if our son hates me? Questions almost every new Mom asks herself. I didn’t think by the next day I’d be asking a NICU doctor “Is he going to make it?”. No one ever thinks to ask themselves if their child will be okay because, they assume they will be. We all assume when the pregnancy test comes back positive that everything will be fine, that nothing bad could ever happen to us.
      “Hypoxic-Ischemic Encephalopathy, HIE, he went without oxygen and most likely has suffered brain damage. We won’t know how bad the damage is until his MRI in a few days. I don’t think he’ll survive.”
     “He’s suffered severe global damage to his brain. He’s still having numerous seizures which could cause the damage to worsen. He most likely won’t ever breathe on his own, eat orally, see, hear, speak, move, or learn. It’s time you consider letting nature take over” 
     Letting nature take over meant saying goodbye to the small baby boy I watched grow inside of me for 9 months. Fell in love with before I ever met. How could I just let my son go?
    By 5 days old, his father and I decided we wouldn’t want to be hooked up to a machine for the rest of our lives…so why should we make him. He was 6 days old when we told his doctor we’d decided against surgery and would let him pass peacefully.
    “Well if we take him off the ventilator,  there’s a good chance he’ll breathe on his own. I can’t guarantee the stress from extubation won’t cause him to seize and pass but if it doesn’t I don’t think he’ll pass.”
   My heart began to dance! My baby boy was getting stronger!  The prayers were working!  God had heard our prayers, heard us begging Him not to take our baby. The next day, he was a week old, I held him while they removed his ventilator. The first time I held him in my arms was the most amazing feeling I had ever felt. I cried. His dad cried. The 40+ people, family and friends, we had praying, cried.
   We all had witnessed a miracle, a child who wasn’t expected to survive his first day of life, had survived.